“WITH THIS RING”

On this day today, I married the love of my life. I can’t believe it’s been a year already! It’s mind boggling to see how quickly time has passed. It feels like it was just yesterday I was walking down the aisle passing a host of family and friends that were present. For the most part, our wedding day was an eventful one to say the least. Like any typical wedding day, I had my share of minor mishaps. For instance, my niece Paris, my precious flower girl accidentally injured herself hours before the ceremony was scheduled to start. Then there was the misunderstanding with my limo driver. He was at the wrong hotel which ultimately led me to a late arrival. Lastly, I definitely can’t forget this one…the entire block of my hotel was completely closed off due to actress Gabriel Union filming scenes for Being Mary Jane, causing more delays. I admit, for just a split milisecond, I started to cry. I couldn’t do anything but cry. Then something happened. I had a eureka moment! After thinking through it, I eventually came to the realization that despite the hooplalas, mayhem, or minor hiccups from that day…no matter what happens, I WILL marry this man! We will go forth even if everything around us falls apart!

My mindset at that point was to focus on what was important to me. I believe part of my strength and attitude that day was attributed to how I started off my morning. The morning of my wedding day, It was quite relaxing. I had a lot of time to reflect. I can vividly remember being in a sobering mood. It’s almost an indescribable feeling. The feeling was likened to that of a blanket of peace settling over me. I really sensed the calmness of God that day. Looking back, I remember sitting in my bridal suite and for a brief moment I reflected on my entire life’s journey. I reminisced on my past and felt so thankful to God. I thought to myself wow, I’ve come so far. Certain aspects of my journey wasn’t always easy. Nevertheless, I know it was definitely ordained and purposed by God alone. Even in my relationship with my now husband, I was amazed by our relationship and friendship. To see our love story unfold before our eyes is nothing short of a love novel filled with twists and turns. From our courtship, and to now being married, I can truly say everything was purposely orchestrated according to the plans set out for both our lives. Now, a year later as a married woman celebrating a year of marriage, I once again reflect on our journey. Our first year brought us trying days and amazing days filled with joy and laughter. The journey also came with unforeseen events such as deaths of loved ones and unexpected circumstances that tested our faith in God. As the old adage states, “marriage isn’t easy”. I can’t help but to agree that marriage is not easy. However, even better I believe marriage isn’t hard either. Truth is, I’ve come to understand that in a marriage you MUST give your all. That whole notion of giving 50/50 in a relationship isn’t going to cut it. A marriage requires 100/100 from both husband and wife. As marrieds, we are called to love each other endlessly and unconditionally. Being married will challenge you to be selfless, vulnerable, and giving of your whole self. That’s the beauty of being married. I’ve grasped and taken a hold of that. 

Overall, I’m so grateful for my life and my husband. That man has challenged me in many ways that I’ve never been before. His faith has also challenged me to grow. He’s also my support system. In a year’s time, I’ve gained so much insight about myself as a woman, wife, and friend. Marriage is a gift from God. It is designed to allow both individuals to grow separately as well as jointly. Now, with one year under our belts, I want to share a few insights that my husband and I have gained. These are our thoughts and is not limited to just that. I hope this helps!

1. DON’T COMPARE:

First thing, all the advices of the “how to’s” based on people’s opinions or experiences,  just go ahead and toss it out the window. Every single marriage is unique. Every couple is different. One of the biggest things I’ve learned from being married is to NEVER COMPARE. I know it’s easy to compare your marriage to others. We all do it! It seems easier to gauge where we are in our marriage to that of other couples. Clearly, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with admiring other couples or even aspiring to attain a marriage that is similar, however just don’t compare. The danger in comparing your marriage to others will lead to disappointments and further frustrations with your spouse because  it’s based on unrealistic expectations and false perceptions. Ultimately these frustrations lead to more friction and disagreements within the marriage. The best advice is, know who you are in your marriage, be realistic, drop that idol couple and compare your marriage to what God wants it to be. Remember every couple is uniquely different and there’s beauty in your own marriage.

2. PICK AND CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES

Believe it or not, you and your beloved beau will not see eye-to-eye with certain things…well… maybe lots of things, and guess what? That’s A okay! Disagreements in your marriage is normal. You will annoy your spouse and they will annoy you. That’s real! Being married has taught me that I don’t have to battle everything. Things like how he/she washes dishes, the way he/she sorts the laundry, whether or not he/she takes the trash out in a timely manner or any little vice that gets under your skin isn’t really worth the battle.  Always be cognizant of what you choose to argue over. Is it worth it? Will it bring a resolve? Remember, neither of you are perfect. You guys are figuring it out as you go along. Know when to pick and choose your battles, otherwise your battles will pick you apart.

3. DATE EACH OTHER

I absolutely love that my husband and I still go out on dates. Dating each other is so important. Sometimes date nights become more of a challenge due to work schedules, life, and not to mention new additions to your ever growing family. That’s the reality of it. life happens! Over time schedules change and things may come and go. Despite the expected obstacles of life, always make time for each other. These are the times where you grow in your intimacy and learn more about each other as husband and wife. Draw back to what attracted you to each other to begin with. Go to a movie, have a spicy game night (with you and your spouse ONLY, of course), go for a bike ride, have a cooking contest. Date nights aren’t just limited to the traditional ways. Spice it up, be spontaneous, be creative! Whatever you do, never stop dating each other! Husbands always pursue your wife, and wives always treat your husband like a King. (Link here  for date night ideas.)

4. WHY SO SERIOUS!

Marriage is undeniably a serious matter. I know because I’m married! However, being married doesn’t mean you become a rigid squared prude. I mean seriously! I’ve encountered couples that are so blahh and stiff. Everything is so serious for them! God forbid if they ever decide to stop and laugh or smell the roses. Jeesh! I’m so glad that I can be goofy and have fun with my husband. Now, I do understand there are times deemed for serious matters and the like, and I’m also aware that there are moments in life when challenges arise and you can’t seem to find joy. I completely get that! I’ve been there before. Nonetheless, I also know that these types of moments in life aren’t lasting. I’ve learned to find my joy and laughter in the midst of chaos. Sometimes you just have to make the best of things. Laughter is good for the soul. Don’t be so doomy and gloomy in your marriage. Marriage should be fun. Marriage is fun! Laugh at each other. Be silly and goofy! Why be so serious? Life’s too short to be.

5. TALK ABOUT IT!!!!

Communication is the biggest, if not, the most important aspect of ANY relationship. Without proper communication, your marriage is in jeopardy of failure. Communication builds on trust, strengthens your intimacy, and also provides a sense of safety because of how vulnerable you are in moments of communicating. Whether it’s a conflict to address or just your day-to-day check ins, couples MUST communicate. Often times, the biggest challenge tends to be how people communicate with each other. Body languages, silent treatments, the tone of your voice, and even your attitude plays a huge factor on how your spouse receives what you are trying to relay. Ever hear “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”? In your marriage both husband and wife should feel comfortable and free to express how each person feels in a concise way. You both should be able to articulate your concerns without demeaning each other, develop a level of transparency, and be open to accept what is being said even when it hurts. Without communication, there isn’t really much to build on. Be sure to talk to each other in a loving way. Make it a habit to talk to each other everyday!!!!

6. KEEP GOD IN!

Lastly, in everything keep God in your life and especially in your marriage. “Marriage is like an Oreo cookie. The husband is the left side, the wife is the right side, and God is the filling that keeps everything together”. This is a quote I once heard from a friend many years ago. God indeed is the filling that holds EVERYTHING together. Your marriage, your children, your finances, and everything else…God holds it all together, if you let Him in! In this journey of marriage, you’ll face many obstacles. These obstacles will either draw you together or pull you apart. It’s so important to be centered, grounded, and always humbled. Be very aware and cautious! There is an enemy on a mission to destroy marriages. Without God in the center, your marriage is in danger of being attacked by this enemy. Always guard your heart! Be alert! Protect and defend each other! And always keep God first!!!

In closing, I hope this helps. I know that we have a lot to learn and grow from. I’m elated that we’ve been married for a year. I look forward to many more years. I want to thank everyone that’s been apart of our journey as a couple. Thank you for you prayers. Cheers to my love for many more years to come!!!