Ever hear the saying “sweet revenge?” I can only imagine that the origination of this particular saying may have been applicable to the person obviously seeking revenge against someone else…obviously right?
Picture this. You take a bite off of what seems to be a big juicy fruit of revenge only to find that the fruit you’ve bitten isn’t so sweet. Instead, it is tart, bitter, and extremely sour. The more you bite into it and chew, the harder it is to ingest, because it tastes so awful. What’s the deal???
It is said that, when one is seeking revenge it’s because they’ve been violated or offended either physically, emotionally, or hurt, humiliated, and maybe just experienced plain ol’ betrayal by the hands of someone else.
Revenge is seemingly sweet…of course if you’re the one benefiting from it. I’ll be the first to say that revenge seems like a good idea at the moment. I mean after all, who wouldn’t want the person that hurt you to experience the same level of pain you’ve endured? However, the thing about revenge is, the more you seek it, the more you realize that you’re no better than the person who’s violated or offended you. Here’s why.
”The one seeking revenge should dig two graves.” Ouch! That stung.
My friends, this is a moment of transparency for me. So don’t judge my truths, okayyyyy!
My story.
Soooooooo, I experienced betrayal from someone I once considered a friend and heck, even family! What I initially thought was someone looking out for me, actually turned out to be completely opposite. As things begin to unfold, I quickly realized that this was not a friend at all. When that realization sunk in, it was painful, hurtful, and a deep cut, not because of the betrayal alone, but because, I consider myself to be a pretty decent loyal friend, and I couldn’t imagine me intentionally subjecting someone I call a “friend” to that level of betrayal…but, alas, it happened.
At some point, that hurt I was experiencing started to manifest into anger and then that anger into thoughts and ideas of wanting revenge by exposing things about this individual. I wanted them to experience the same hurt they subjected me to…it was only fair right? Well, not necessarily so.
Over time, I did some in-depth reflecting and had to dig deeper about the source of my anger. What I found was, the source was plain and simple…hurt and pain by someone I trusted. I eventually sought the counsel of my better-half, friends, and family that was familiar with the situation (side note, it’s extremely important to seek counsel from people that are neutral and won’t follow you to the abyss of nothingness, but rather, offer you the best advice to help you in a situation.) I received great advice and understood what I needed to do. It took me a while to process and fully grapple with how to address this without wanting to seek revenge. Sounds silly, but this is real y’all!
How to deal…
So, how should one handle hurt or betrayal by the hands of others outside of seeking revenge?
1. I began to see that this idea of revenge was beginning to turn me into something and someone completely opposite of who I truly am to the core. I’m not perfect, but I’m not a revenge seeking individual either. I hated the feeling of allowing someone’s poor decisions, idiotic behaviors, or betrayal to control me or turn me into someone filled with revenge. I had to check that within myself.
2. When someone show you who they are, repeatedly…believe them! I had to face the reality of knowing what the person wasn’t for me in my life and I was okay and completely at peace with severing that relationship for good.
3. I had to handle the emotions as they came and allowed myself to process. It’s okay to take time to process! Suppressing how you truly feel can rob you of healing and even prolong the process, and ain’t nobody got time for that! Handle it and move on!
4. Pray…release…forgive…and repeat as needed. A wise person once told me that forgiveness isn’t a one time thing, sometimes it’s a constant action until it’s no longer an issue anymore. Also, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean subjecting yourself to the same behaviors again. It’s okay to remove yourself from toxic people and situations and love from a distance.
5. I had to recognize that hurt people, hurt people! Seeking revenge will only continue the cycle of hurt and it will never end. Let that sink in.
6. Lastly, and very simple….I went on to live my life! The best revenge is living and moving on. Life is precious and how or who you spend it with is also important. Don’t waste your energy. Channel it into doing the things you love, loving others that are great people to you, and genuinely being kind to others.
I know getting back at someone seems like the ideal thing to do. And doing the things I’ve listed doesn’t take away from what you’ve experienced or have gone through, but, you have to ask yourself these two questions whenever you find yourself wrestling with wanting revenge…Is that person worth that type of energy from you?And once you’ve gotten your revenge, now what?
Look, If you’ve been stuck in a place of wanting to repay someone for hurting you, please don’t do it. I encourage you to move forward and onward.
The truth is, people that do these horrible things to others without acknowledging or being truthful about their role will end up dealing with their actions some way, shape, or form. Trust!
OUTFIT DETAILS:
Cold shoulder turtleneck top, Checkered print pants, and laced up heels: ZARA
Earrings, shades, bracelet: natural girls rock accessories.
