Do you cross boundaries with your friends or family? Ever speak out about someone’s life and had no idea what was going on? Or have you ever spoken prematurely about a situation you had no busniess being involved in? I have before! And I’ve also been a victim of it too. One of the biggest revelations I’ve gained within my friendships are, setting boundaries and also respecting boundaries of other people.
Boundaries are in place to let people know there are limits and lines that can’t be crossed. Unfortunately, boundaries are crossed all the time. Some people are okay with it while others aren’t. Many times people that cross these boundaries mean well. It’s often in the form of imposing their opinions, suggestions, and advices, but at the end it seems more hurtful than helpful. When boundaries are crossed the message that’s put out there is, there’s no respect towards an individual’s personal space and limits. “A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.”
SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH PEOPLE WHEN YOU’RE IN A DATING RELATIONSHIP OR IN A MARRIAGE.
Be careful to not cross boundaries in someone’s dating relationship or marriage! A month ago, my close friends had the wedding of their dreams. Not only did I have the privilege of witnessing their beautiful union, I was also honored to be apart of it. Their love story was nothing short of amazing! It was amazing because it wasn’t a fairytale type-of-love story but rather a beautiful love story that unraveled before our eyes as it was written by God. Unfortunately, years before they made there way to the alter, a few people tried to interfere and oblige in their relationship. From the start many people had opinions of what should or should not have happened. There were so many unwanted opinions being tossed around. It’s not like my friends didn’t set boundaries for themselves. The fact is, a few people didn’t respect it. I’m glad to say they overcame that season of their life and are now a happily married couple. As a witness, it showed me the value of learning when to speak and when to stay quiet. From all of this they’ve both learned to speak up for themselves and learned to set expectations of what their boundaries are. “Teach people how to treat you.”
SETTING BOUNDARIES IN YOUR FRIENSHIPS.
Setting boundaries with friends can be tricky a one. Let’s face it, some friends don’t understand the concept of boundaries. I’ve had it happen to me before and I admit I’ve done it to other people too. In many cases, it comes from a genuine place, however it’s still wrong when it happens. Experiences like these have taught me to be very cognizant about my limits and other people’s limits. I for one didn’t set boundaries with a couple of friends I had. I allowed ALL types of things to be said and to happen. In fact, I never even addressed it and pretty much excused it by rationalizing the behaviors even when it bothered me a lot. As a result of being so dismissive about it, I allowed my friends to cross my boundaries. I opened myself up to be disrespected. By the time I realized it, I had to rectify it immediately. In hindsight, I now realize that I should have spoken up, set boundaries, and nipped it in the bud from the beginning. I can’t completely fault them. In fact, I take full responsibility for my lack of action. I didn’t express my boundaries and made the assumption that they would know. At the end, I learned my lesson. “Stay in your lane”
SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH FAMILY MEMBERS.
Setting boundaries with family is a sensitive thing as well. Family is important to us. We can’t replace them and we don’t get an option of choosing who they are. That’s all the more why we must set boundaries with our beloved family members, otherwise you’ll find yourself burnt out trying to be everything to everybody. We all have that one family member…you know that uncle, aunt, or maybe a sibling that has absolutely no concept of boundaries. I know how much we all want to be there for our loved ones. Even with that there’s still a need to set limits with them. “Give an inch and they’ll take a mile.” So what do you do then? First learn when to say no. If you can’t help out…don’t. It’s that simple. Secondly, know when to lend or give money away. Extending a helping hand is quite fine, just be sure your obligations are handled first before helping your family out. I know, and I understand, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I’ve been there before. Even with family members you need to express your boundaries. Otherwise, you’ll have a lot of built up frustrations that could have easily been avoided. “Saying no sometimes can set you free.”
Here are my take aways, always remember you’re not indebted to anyone or need to explain anything to anybody when it comes to setting your boundaries. (If unless you’re married, then that’s a whole different discussion post). Also understand when you choose to NOT speak up about it, it allows the behavior to continue. When you’re ready to inform people of your boundaries, there’s no need to be mean, rude, or even nasty about it, just simply speak in love. Be sure to express it in the most kindest way. Love opens up to people, but love also has discernment. Be aware of who you allow into your life. Remember, your behaviors teach others how to treat you. So if you allow your friends, family, or even other people to overstep YOUR boundaries, be ready to deal with whatever comes with that.
